A story about curiosity, hesitation, and a return to my body.

"I Had No Idea What Kind of Massage I Wanted – So I Just Tried It."

I’ll be honest:
I had no idea what kind of massage I wanted.
Part of me was craving something sensual - maybe even a Tantra massage.
But the word alone brought up a flood of questions:
Isn’t that too intimate?
Too naked?
Too much?

And yet, something deeper inside me longed for exactly that:
A kind of closeness without pressure.
Touch without a goal.
A space where I didn’t have to perform or explain -
just be.

The moment before
I remember the day of my first session.
I was nervous. Really nervous.
What if it’s too much for me?
What if I don’t feel anything - or feel too much?
What if I cry?

But I went anyway.
Because deep down, I knew:
The real risk wasn’t the massage.
It was meeting myself - beyond the stories I usually hide behind.

The space
The first thing I noticed when I entered the room was the quiet.
No incense show, no new-age drama.
Just a clear, warm space - calm and grounded.

And Ana.
Present. Calm. Professional.
Not intrusive. Not distant.
Just... there.

We talked.
About my wishes, my boundaries, my questions.
I could say everything - or nothing.
Nothing was expected. Everything was allowed.

The touch
The massage wasn’t what I expected.
Not sexual - but sensual.
Not arousing - but deeply calming.
Not overwhelming - but settling.

I thought I might “react” in a sexual way.
Instead, something much quieter happened:
I landed in myself.
I felt seen - without being looked at.
Held - without needing to explain anything.

After
I stayed on the table long after the hands had stopped.
Wrapped in warmth, with a soft smile I hadn’t worn in a while.

Something in me had softened—
not because something was done to me,
but because nothing was demanded of me.

It wasn’t “too much.”
It was exactly right.
And honestly?
I wish I had allowed myself to try it sooner.

My reflection
If you - like me - don’t know what kind of massage is right for you:
Listen to your body, not the busy voice in your head.

Sensual touch can be deeply healing when it’s held in presence.
And a Tantra massage isn’t what many people assume it is.
It’s not an offer - it’s an invitation.
Not a performance - but a space.

A space for you.
For your skin, your breath, your quiet return to yourself.

I’m glad I tried.
Not because I “figured it out,”
but because I remembered how I want to feel in my own body.

*Maria, 2024