How I Learned to Feel Again

By Lisa-Maria – on reawakening the senses after a long relationship.

I wasn’t unhappy.
But something had gone numb.
My relationship was calm, familiar, stable.
We loved each other—
but touch had become routine.
Tenderness had turned into something automatic.
And at some point, I found myself wondering:
Where did I go in all of this?

The decision to come
I hesitated for a long time.
Tantra massage—wasn’t that too much?
Too naked? Too intimate?
But something inside me was longing.
Not for another person.
But for myself.

For skin that didn’t have to perform.
For touch without expectation.
For a yes that didn’t imply a silent obligation.

So I went to Ana.

A space for me
The first impression was simple and calm.
No spiritual performance, no esoteric fog.
Just a room.
And a human being
who was present without needing anything from me.

We talked.
About my relationship.
About my hesitation.
About my quiet longing.
And then it became quiet.
And I felt: I don’t have to do anything. I get to be.

The massage
When Ana began to touch me,
it was as if my body was arriving—slowly, gently,
like waking from a long sleep.

I felt warmth.
Slowness.
Clarity.

And for the first time in a long while:
desire—
not as pressure, but as movement.
As waves beneath my skin.
Not for someone else.
Not to be offered or shared.
But as my own energy.

I didn’t have to do anything. And that changed everything.
I could feel.
Remember.
Meet myself again—not as a partner,
not as a role in daily life,
but as a woman.

Afterwards
I wasn’t overwhelmed.
I was awake.
My skin felt clearer, my senses more alive.
I went home—
not with a sense of betrayal,
but with the quiet certainty
that I had found my way back to myself.

Today
My relationship didn’t turn into fireworks overnight.
But it became deeper.
Because I became deeper.
Because I reclaimed my sensuality.
And because I understood:
Sometimes it takes a space outside the relationship
to find yourself within it again.

Thank you, Ana.
For your hands,
your silence,
your unshakable presence.

*Lisa Maria, 2022